Happy Halloween or Halloween Nightmare, which one will it be for you and your family? Halloween marks the beginning of the holiday season, and for separated or divorced families, it is the start of what may be a stressful next few months.  

Halloween Trick or Treating-Who Takes The Kids?

Mary recently separated from her husband, Jim.  They have two kids, ages 8 and 5. Mary has always been the one to take the kids trick or treating because Jim dislikes the holiday. But this year the kids will be with Jim. Mary wonders if she should offer to take the kids for a few hours, or let Jim do what he wants that night, even if it means the kids will miss out on trick or treating. 

Halloween is a difficult holiday to divide between parents because trick or treating typically happens for a few hours after dinner, and if it falls on a weeknight, homework and bedtime are also factors to consider.

Check Your Agreement

If you have a written agreement check to see what is says regarding Halloween.  If you chose to include it, the terms of the agreement dictate what will happen.  However, all too often Halloween is not specifically addressed. If this is the case, the default is the regular schedule, even if it means one parent misses Halloween several years in a row.  If you have not finalized your custody arrangements and Halloween is important to you, make sure it is addressed in your parenting plan or separation agreement.

Think About What is Best For Your Kids

If your agreement is silent or you don’t yet have an agreement, think about what is best for your kids.  In the case of Mary and Jim, if Jim decides trick or treating on a school night is not a good idea, and Mary decides this is not fair to the kids, what will undermining Jim’s parenting authority do to their relationship? How will she feel if Jim undermined her? More importantly, how will this affect their kids?

Remember It Is Not About You

During her divorce coaching session, Mary raised her concerns about Jim having the kids for Halloween.  She explored her reasons for wanting to take the kids trick or treating.  Looking at her options and the consequences of each action, highlighted the real reason Mary was unhappy.  It was more about Mary missing out on Halloween then the kids not being able to go trick or treating with her. Together Mary and her Divorce Coach brainstormed ideas to overcome her disappointment and she was able to figure out a plan that worked for her and did not require her to involve Jim.

Start a New Tradition

Mary realized that although she would not be able to take her kids trick or treating, there are many ways to celebrate and create Halloween traditions in the weeks and days leading up to the actual holiday. New Halloween traditions might include:

• An annual trip to the pumpkin patch
• Apple picking
• Hosting a pumpkin carving or decorating party
• Baking a pumpkin pie, roasting pumpkin seeds, or making other holiday treats from scratch,
• Attending a Fall Festival
• Planning a Halloween theme movie marathon
• Allowing your kids to select the treats you will hand out to neighborhood kids, OR
• Anything else that interests you and your children that you can share together and do year after year.

Planning Ahead

If you have not addressed Trick or Treating with your spouse or former spouse, it is not too late to figure out a plan.  If you think you will need assistance reaching an amicable resolution, consider consulting Your Divorce Coach so you can avoid a Halloween Nightmare and your children can enjoy a Happy Halloween.