Co-parenting during a pandemic-who would have thought to add such a clause to their agreement?  Until now, the answer is probably noone. These are unprecedented times. Future parenting agreements will likely have a clause that covers periods of quarantine or shelter in place. So what do you do if your current plan does not address these unusual circumstances and courts are temporarily closed and will likely be backlogged when they do reopen?

Social distancing and staying healthy when children are going back and forth between two households is difficult and adds an additional layer of stress and anxiety for moms and dads. It becomes even more complicated if you are in another relationship and your new partner also shares custody with his/her former spouse. If you have a good co-parenting relationship, you might be able to agree on a plan and be flexible as recommendations from the CDC change daily.  But what happens if you can’t agree?

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) and the  Association of Family and Conciliation Courts have released seven guidelines for co-parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Be Healthy

This means following CDC recommendations for hand washing and social distancing. Resist the social media rumor mill and focus on reliable sources for updated information. It also means limiting conflict and reducing stress. We are all operating under new circumstances and anxiety levels are sky high.  Our flight or fight response is on overdrive. It is important to make decisions that are in the best interest of your children, which might mean allowing them to continue to transition between both households, even if you are worried and scared.  

According to attorney Lina Guillen, “if your child has asthma or an underlying medical condition that makes your child more susceptible to COVID-19 or resulting respiratory complications, you and your child’s other parent should speak to your child’s doctor and come up with plan you can all follow to keep your child safe.”

Be Mindful

Your kids are listening and watching how you respond to this crisis even if they are not in the room with you. Even if your instinct is to scream at your co-parent, try to remain calm. Talk to your children about what is going on, but do so in an age-appropriate manner. 

Comply with your Co-parenting Plan

Divorce professionals suggest that you be compliant with court orders and custody agreements as much as possible. The purpose of having a parenting plan or custody agreement/order is to prevent squabbling over time sharing details. 

Be Creative

These are unprecedented times. Co-parents and divorce professionals alike are navigating unchartered waters. If co-parents reside in different towns or states, transporting children between homes may become difficult or impossible. If one parent is unable to physically see the kids, it is important to get creative.  The guidelines suggest encouraging closeness with the parent who is not going to see the child through shared books, movies, games and FaceTime or Skype.

Be Transparent

If you or anyone in your household has been exposed to the virus, be honest with your co-parent. If your child exhibits symptoms, inform your ex-spouse and discuss a course of action.  If you can’t agree, seek input from an expert such as your child’s pediatrician.

Generous Co-parenting

If a co-parent misses time with the kids be reasonable and flexible with make-up time. What that looks like may be different for each family and how much time is missed. The guidelines warn that judges “will take seriously concerns raised in later filings about parents who are inflexible in highly unusual circumstances.” If you are unsure what make-up time should be offered, seek expert guidance from a family law attorney or divorce coach. 

Be Understanding

It is important now, more than ever, to let go of past hurt and anger and focus on moving forward. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or pretending that it never happened. It does not mean condoning or excusing a wrong.