Should we mediate our divorce?  This is a question often asked by couples who want to amicably resolve their disputes and reduce the overall expense of divorce.  

What is mediation?

Mediation is a non-adversarial process couples use to resolve their divorce disputes. Parties work together with the assistance of a mediator to reach an amicable resolution.

A divorce mediator is a neutral party hired by both parties. The mediator facilitates negotiations between spouses but does not make decisions nor provide legal advice to either party. Because of this, parties sometimes retain lawyers to advise them with regard to their legal rights and to review the terms of a negotiated settlement prior to signing the agreement. While this does add additional expense, it also protects both parties from signing an agreement they may later regret.

Benefits to mediation

There are benefits to mediating your divorce.

• Mediation is less adversarial than litigation allowing both parties to remain civil which is especially helpful when children are involved.
• Mediation is flexible, voluntary, and confidential.
• Unlike litigation where there are court mandated deadlines, couples who choose to mediate can determine their own timeline and mediation can continue for as long as both parties and the mediator want it to.  Parties can mediate weekly, monthly, or according to whatever schedule they choose.
• When mediation is successful, parties are able to keep their personal lives private. Except in limited circumstances (e.g., safety of a party) information disclosed during mediation is kept confidential. If mediation breaks down, proposals made during mediation are not permitted to be submitted to the court. If a case is litigated, anyone can observe the hearing, and unless sealed, court records are open to the public and available to anyone who wants to review them.
• Another compelling reason to mediate is the cost. If an agreement is reached resolving all outstanding issues, parties can proceed with an uncontested divorce, saving them both emotional heartache and thousands of dollars in litigation expenses.

How will I know if mediation is right for me?

To increase the probability that mediation will be successful both parties should:

• want to participate;
• trust that the other will fully disclose all of their assets and liabilities and that they will be honest during the process;
• have an open mind and be willing to be flexible; and
• be willing and able to make decisions, even if they are difficult, and won’t abdicate their decision making authority.

There are situations when mediation may not be a good option.  For example:

• If there is a history of domestic violence or substance abuse.
• If one party does not want the divorce and is not ready to move forward.
• If one spouse controls the finances and does not want to share.
• If the parties are dealing with grief, such as the loss of a child.

If you are considering mediation, Your Divorce Coach can help you determine whether you should mediate your divorce or whether another process is right for you. If you choose to pursue mediation, Your Divorce Coach can help you identify mediators, define issues you want to mediate, and develop strategies to increase the likelihood of a positive outcome.