How To Maintain Self-Worth During and After Divorce
“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but it still standing.”
-Unknown
The Mirriam-Webster Dictionary defines self-worth “as a sense of one’s own value as a human being.” Self-worth, self-esteem, and self-respect are all interconnected. Difficult life transitions such as divorce can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. We often rely on external forces such as your job, relationship, or social position to measure our self worth. Rather than using external events, psychotherapist Amy Morin suggests using a measuring stick based on factors you can control.
“When you know who you are—and you’re pleased with the person you’ve become—you’ll experience a sense of peace through life’s inevitable ups and downs. You’ll believe in yourself regardless of whether you’ve been fired, gone through a divorce, or failed to get a promotion.”
Morin reminds us to measure self-worth by our personal values and who we are at our core. This is easier said than done, especially when the life you have built is crumbling around you.
According to Amanda Wetzstein Frey, LMSW, “if you have an internal support system that allows you to see that you are worthwhile, you’ve got yourself a solid foundation upon which you can achieve your goals.”
So how do you build a healthy sense of self-worth?
Compare yourself to no one
- Everyone’s journey is different and comparing your story to your best friend’s, neighbor’s or colleague’s story prevents you from staying true to who you are.
Embrace your mistakes and learn from them
- Reflect on what caused your marriage to break down and figure out who you are as well as who you want to be moving forward. This is an important step in the healing process.
- Several experts note that “many divorcees leap into hasty ill-conceived second marriages out of loneliness rather than carefully planning them for success.”
Find opportunities to develop yourself
- After divorce knowing who you are and figuring out your place now that you are single and no longer a wife or a husband can be a struggle. You don’t have to have everything figured out all at once. Learn something new, volunteer, or join a support group, for example. Set small goals to keep you moving forward.
If you are struggling with self-worth, work with a Certified Divorce Coach® to regain your confidence, set goals and focus on building a happy, healthy future.
